i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
