That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
