Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
