A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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