Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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