How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
