i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
They are going to name an STD after you.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
