At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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