he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
