He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
