Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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