I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
