Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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