once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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