I can text with my tongue
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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