just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
