he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The air taste purple.
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