I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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