There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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