I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
