He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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