She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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