forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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