Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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