____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
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Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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