If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize