Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
