so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
