remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
