I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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