I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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