I looked at my own cervix.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
