While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
