Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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