I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
