she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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