Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
