New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
