you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
