It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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