i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
