Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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