She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
