I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
