My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my being single is dangerous.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
