All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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