You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
