I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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