The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
