you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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