drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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