I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
