I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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