hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
