I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
