He disabled his match.com account in front of me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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