Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
