your parents love me but you hate me
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
