I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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