I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
