what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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