I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
