I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
