is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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