Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize