Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
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