Its about making memories worth repressing
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
