i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
