Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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