now i know why i became what i already was.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
