He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
