I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
