They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
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No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
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I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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