Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
