i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
