I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
