I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
